Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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