It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
