I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
