Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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