The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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