I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
