I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
