I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
