Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
