He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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