I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
