i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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