I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
