i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
