There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
