You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
