Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
