Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
