You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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