apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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