Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
