in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the raccoons are back...
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