We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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