Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
