Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
