Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He felt like a one man threesome
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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