Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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