Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
