just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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