I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well you can't waste a boner
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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