I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
