Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
