I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
