I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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