also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
