Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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