saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My breasts were aching with rage.
40s are totally the cure
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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