i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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