his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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