He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
