I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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