Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
