my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
