mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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