I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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