Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
