I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're so nebulous sometimes
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
