i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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