A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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