where am i from again
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
