I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's official drugs can't kill me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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