dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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