I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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