well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
