Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
