shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you had me at cake vodka
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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