My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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