Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
