:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
