goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
