i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
