Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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