It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
