Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize