I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
