GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
