every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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