is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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