I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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