I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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