i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
