I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
