I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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