I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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