you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
